![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
In Fine Form
Mar. 6th, 2003 01:32 amI just got back from T's Birthday Dinner Party and I am fat, happy, and flushed. It was wonderful. The food, the wine, the company, and the conversation all fit that rare and cherished idea of the "perfect dinner party," the sort that you imagined you'd have when you became a "grown-up"--the kind that lasts 'til midnight in a red wine haze.
Beyond the food and conversation, this dinner party was great because it was the first time in quite awhile that I've gotten back to being "me." Bawdy, boisterous, sarcastic me. with no one to impress or consider. I'm slowly coming back, shaking off the sadness, confusion, and sheer madness of the past few months. It feels good, even if it's an absolutely obnoxious rebirth (yes, I shook my breasts and said "Who would resist these bodacious tas"). I'm ready.
I didn't get much sleep last night and as a result both work and the gym were a struggle today. I spent most of last night dreaming of D (again). I don't remember much about the dream, I only know that we were still in love and that it was powerful enough to have woken me up at 5am. I had a difficult time trying to go back to sleep and couldn't help but dwell on the dream. I don't know how to describe this morning's reaction, I didn't cry, I didn't miss him, but I was a little awed when I recognized how strong the connection was between the two of us, even now. I don't think that I love him anymore and I know that I don't like him, but all the same, there's a bond that still exists despite all my better instincts and efforts. It explains why this is process of healing and separating is taking so long...the connection we shared is stronger than I suspected. *Laughs* And yet we were so capricious with it. Funny that. *sigh* It's going to be a long while yet.
Beyond the food and conversation, this dinner party was great because it was the first time in quite awhile that I've gotten back to being "me." Bawdy, boisterous, sarcastic me. with no one to impress or consider. I'm slowly coming back, shaking off the sadness, confusion, and sheer madness of the past few months. It feels good, even if it's an absolutely obnoxious rebirth (yes, I shook my breasts and said "Who would resist these bodacious tas"). I'm ready.
I didn't get much sleep last night and as a result both work and the gym were a struggle today. I spent most of last night dreaming of D (again). I don't remember much about the dream, I only know that we were still in love and that it was powerful enough to have woken me up at 5am. I had a difficult time trying to go back to sleep and couldn't help but dwell on the dream. I don't know how to describe this morning's reaction, I didn't cry, I didn't miss him, but I was a little awed when I recognized how strong the connection was between the two of us, even now. I don't think that I love him anymore and I know that I don't like him, but all the same, there's a bond that still exists despite all my better instincts and efforts. It explains why this is process of healing and separating is taking so long...the connection we shared is stronger than I suspected. *Laughs* And yet we were so capricious with it. Funny that. *sigh* It's going to be a long while yet.
