(no subject)

[cursedcassandra]

I saw my therapist today and apparently I'm suffering from "impostor syndrome." (And no, that doesn't mean that I run around with a funny mustache in disguise.)

Comments

[blindness.livejournal.com]

laura, what does "imposter syndrome" mean? you said a few entries back that you have been skipping therapy lately? why? you don't like it? sorry to be so probing.
xo,
kim

[vikkilynn.livejournal.com]

I was going to ask the same thing... what is imposter syndrome?

[cursedcassandra.livejournal.com]

Impostor syndrome stems from self-doubt. You sabotage yourself because you feel like you're a fraud (i.e. you've tricked others into believing that you are smarter, more talented, or more interesting than you really are). So in order to maintain that "illusion" you overtly fuck up so that you are judged for those actions rather than being found out as a fraud (being less talented, less intelligent, etc.).

This describes my fear of term papers in college. My cumulative GPA would have been in the 3.7-3.8 range had I not choked on my final projects and term papers. My M.O. was to do really well on tests, in class discussions, and on minor essays. The professor would then develop some sort of interest in my work and my progress. I would then promptly freak out, worrying that I wouldn't be able to deliver on the final and that I would be judged by that singular piece of work. In response, I wouldn't turn it in. I preferred to be seen as a flake instead of mediocre mind.
It wasn't until my final semesters that I turned everything in. You want to talk about self-sabotage? I have an F on my transcript in an upper-division course IN MY MAJOR because of this behavior. Oy.

[blindness.livejournal.com]

i think i have the opposite problem where i am all to eager to hand in crap, do crap presentations, etc, just to get it over with. i wish i were more hesitant and put more thought into the quality of my work. it's like i *want* to himiliate myself in the eyes of my superiors so they won't think i'm smart and they won't expect anything from me, but deep down inside i totally fear rejection. does that make sense?

you just have incredibly high standards for yourself!

[cursedcassandra.livejournal.com]

I think that the Impostor Syndrome explanation will be sent to you because I replied to it in a thread that you started, but if it doesn't...just click and scroll down.

As for the therapist, I love her and I love it. My issues with going have nothing to do with the actual appointment, but rather have more to do with my other scheduling conflicts. I thought I had an appointment last week, but it was really this week and I never asked for the time off from my volunteer position...hence trouble.