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I have very strong feelings about marriage.
Mostly it scares the holy hell out of me and signals the end of fun and frivolity as I know it and the beginning of obligation and responsibility...the beginning of the mundane depressing slog through a shared life.
*groan*
Maybe it's because my parents weren't an ideal picture of married life. Maybe it's because no one's parents were. I think it's mostly based on what I've seen modeled in my own generation--people couple, marry, and isolate. Or to be more specific, date, marry, buy shitty house in the burbs that they can afford which is inevitably a distance from friends, culture, and family, have some rug rats, become exhausted from supporting the aforementioned efforts and have little or no time to pursue the relationships and activities which once nurtured them. A huge wonderful life shrinks to a narrow confined prison and it all starts with "two."
The funny thing is, I don't take issue with monogamy or committment, it's just something about "marriage" that makes my skin crawl and eyes water. Perhaps it's the finality of picking one person or making that enormous committment to put another's needs on par with your own. Mostly it's the utter and absolute freak out of having a world narrowed to a primary "two."
It's too much pressure. I belive in an emotional division of labor. Having many friends means that you can satisfy many or all parts of your intellect, personality, kink, lifestyle, etc. You can live your life in as many aspects as you have the energy to explore. To narrow that world to one (or two) is to deny whole lifetimes of experience (and, by extension, to be bored out of your fucking mind). A world that small would never ever make me happy.
I love my friends--they are the *most* important part of my life. I've never put a partner before them and I can't imagine a world where I would. My life is ever so much richer because of them. No love, however intense, could possibly compete for my full attention or affection. I could never give up a life of us for a life of "we".
I also love going out, meeting new people, drinking, dancing, partying, exploring, getting into trouble, learning new things...many of these activities die or at least atrophy with the "I do's". It doesn't have to be that way, but it so often is. Some would blame this on the maturing process, the slowing brought on by years and responsibility--but I find that this isn't the case. My single older friends (with and without children) are so much more involved in the outside world than my married friends.
I realize that marriage doesn't have to be this way, it just so often IS this way. I'm not sure why that is, but it scares the hell out of me.
This isn't a rant designed to pick on the married. It's just an inability to understand why so many people go rushing down the aisle when isolation and boredom seem to be the things looming at the end of it. I really don't get it and I'm afraid that I never will.
Mostly it scares the holy hell out of me and signals the end of fun and frivolity as I know it and the beginning of obligation and responsibility...the beginning of the mundane depressing slog through a shared life.
*groan*
Maybe it's because my parents weren't an ideal picture of married life. Maybe it's because no one's parents were. I think it's mostly based on what I've seen modeled in my own generation--people couple, marry, and isolate. Or to be more specific, date, marry, buy shitty house in the burbs that they can afford which is inevitably a distance from friends, culture, and family, have some rug rats, become exhausted from supporting the aforementioned efforts and have little or no time to pursue the relationships and activities which once nurtured them. A huge wonderful life shrinks to a narrow confined prison and it all starts with "two."
The funny thing is, I don't take issue with monogamy or committment, it's just something about "marriage" that makes my skin crawl and eyes water. Perhaps it's the finality of picking one person or making that enormous committment to put another's needs on par with your own. Mostly it's the utter and absolute freak out of having a world narrowed to a primary "two."
It's too much pressure. I belive in an emotional division of labor. Having many friends means that you can satisfy many or all parts of your intellect, personality, kink, lifestyle, etc. You can live your life in as many aspects as you have the energy to explore. To narrow that world to one (or two) is to deny whole lifetimes of experience (and, by extension, to be bored out of your fucking mind). A world that small would never ever make me happy.
I love my friends--they are the *most* important part of my life. I've never put a partner before them and I can't imagine a world where I would. My life is ever so much richer because of them. No love, however intense, could possibly compete for my full attention or affection. I could never give up a life of us for a life of "we".
I also love going out, meeting new people, drinking, dancing, partying, exploring, getting into trouble, learning new things...many of these activities die or at least atrophy with the "I do's". It doesn't have to be that way, but it so often is. Some would blame this on the maturing process, the slowing brought on by years and responsibility--but I find that this isn't the case. My single older friends (with and without children) are so much more involved in the outside world than my married friends.
I realize that marriage doesn't have to be this way, it just so often IS this way. I'm not sure why that is, but it scares the hell out of me.
This isn't a rant designed to pick on the married. It's just an inability to understand why so many people go rushing down the aisle when isolation and boredom seem to be the things looming at the end of it. I really don't get it and I'm afraid that I never will.
