(no subject)

I have two choices with my television--bad sound, good picture or bad picture, good sound.
Solution: Watch television with captions turned on. Who's a problem solver?

All right, so I'm on my period and perhaps that makes me a bit more sensitive and a lot more grumpy than usual, but here's what's really eating me. Today my college advisor came in the shop. Every time he sees me there's this lingering sense of disapproval. I was one of his better students--I was smart and I was passionate. I am now neither of those things and my current vocation makes that fact even more painfully obvious to us both. I respect and like this man and whenever he comes in the store I'm filled with an enormous sense of shame--I should be doing better than this and we both know it.

And there's two other asshole customers who love to greet me with this line, "*chuckle* So you're STILL here." Shitheads. And I always want to reply, "and you STILL suck" but I usually restrain myself. Usually.

Everyone's become rather accustomed to my "all-talk-no-effort" approach to the future. I suppose that's fair, but I'm trying SO hard to make things happen, to change my life. I feel like all of the old stagnant energy is going to jinx my plans and waylay my efforts. I'm scared. I'm superstitious. I'm afraid it's all going to go to hell because it usually does. I know I'm not powerless in this, but I don't quite trust myself.

PS No Mandarin classes this summer. :( That is, none that I can afford.

(no subject)

Wow, some people are just bad mothers. And yes, I'm judging, but f*&k, sometimes it's an objective call. I was reading a teen mother's journal--she's a drug user, married a guy she's dated for only a few months, had her child taken away from her, and now she's pregnant again. *shakes her head* Her journal is a chronicle of hangovers, boyfriends in jail, and swear words. She only mentions her kid when the state periodically comes in to take it away. Why am I reading this journal? To remind myself that the absolute good sometimes demands some hard choices. Abortion is not the worst thing.

Anyways, that's more about me than anyone else.

I'm tired tonight. It sounds ridiculous, but sometimes menstrating really takes it out of you. (Gah, my boss would die if I ever uttered that phrase--how he raises his two teenage daughters, I'll never know.) I worked for the publisher all day, mailed Kara's birthday present (my old gently used Rollerblades as per her request), went grocery shopping, cooked dinner, did dishes, took out the trash, and bought some hair products (I'm going to encourage the "curl" in my hair as per Glamour Magazine's rather expensive suggestion).

I need to rescue this mediocore day by working on at least one of the following:

My upper division Sociology paper
My lower division Sociology paper
My resume

Perhaps I should stop writing in my LJ and instead start working on my life? It would certainly make me feel better about things...maybe. Lately it seems like I've been making a lot of small steps towards my goals with absolutely NO progress to show for it. I'm trying to move a mountain a handful at a time--it's absolutely futile unless you're working on a geologic timeline. Gah. I'm discouraged but still plugging away. It's bloody frustrating.

Off to take a shower and to comtemplate tonight's progress.

(no subject)

That's about the only way I'd have one...in a jar.


I adopted a cute lil' republican fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

Coming to terms.

I like the hippie geek boys and that's okay.

I was shamelessly watching High School Reunion and I was immediately turned on by the guy designated as "the geek." (It probably doesn't help that he looks like a scrawnier version of Dan.) Hot cha cha. Screw the quarterback...bring on the DORKS! (And shit , It looks like I'm hooked on this crappy show.)

And that's my confession tonight regarding my sexuality. :)

And speaking of high school reunions...mine should be coming up this year but it doesn't look like anyone's been planning it. There's no information on it anywhere at all. Nothing on the high school's site, the alumni page or communities, the local newspaper, GOOGLE--I hope that I wasn't one of those people who was supposed to be planning it. I have no intention of going to it (boozing it up with the Class of '94 at the Country Club seems like a lackluster reason to go to LA), but I'd at least like to know what day to avoid being in the general vicinity.

(no subject)

Christ, Gov. Arnold is an asshole.