Ripped off from Scarbelly Foghorn

The things with the "X" are the things I haven't done...yet (in some cases).

(_) I never have been drunk
(_) I never have smoked pot
(_) I never have kissed a member of the opposite sex
(X) I never have kissed a member of the same sex
(X) I never crashed a friend's car
(X) I never have been to Japan
(_) I never ridden in a taxi
(_) I never have been in love
(_) I never had sex
(_) I never have had sex in public
(_) I never have been dumped
(_) I never shoplifted
(X) I never have been fired (I think being laid off is rather the same thing)
(X) I never have been in a fistfight
(X) I never had a threesome
(_) I never snuck out of my parents' house
(_) I never have been tied up (sexually)
(_) I never have been caught masturbating
(X) I never pissed on myself
(X) I never pissed on someone else
(X) I never had sex with a member of the same sex
(X) I never have been arrested
(_) I never made out with a stranger
(_) I never stole something from my job
(X) I never celebrated New Year's in Times Square
(_) I never went on a blind date
(_) I never lied to a friend
(_) I never had a crush on a teacher
(X) I never celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans
(X) I never have been to Europe
(_) I never skipped school
(_) I never slept with a co-worker
(_) I never cut myself on purpose
(_) I never had sex at the office
(X) I've never been married
(X) I've never been divorced
(_) I never had sex with more than one person within the same week
(X) I never have posed nude
(X) I never got someone drunk just to have sex with them
(_) I never cheated on my significant other
(X) I never had sex with my boss
(X) I never have eaten snake meat
(X) I never jumped out of an airplane
(_) I have never been to a nudist event (ed. note: assuming Burning Man counts)
(_) I never had a permanent residence outside of the province I was born in
(_) I never have ridden an elephant
(X) I have never made out with someone whose name I did not know at the time
(_) I have never had intercourse (anal or vaginal) without a condom.
(X) I have never worn undergarments not intended for my gender for a sexual thrill.
(_) I have never had a dental cavity.
(_) I have never been blindfolded.
(X) I have never had sex with a corpse
(_) I have never smoked a cigarette
(X) I have never let an animal lick my privates.
(_) I have never gotten so drunk I forgot what happened.
(_) I have never called in sick to work when I just didn't feel like going.
(_) I have never failed a class
(X) I have never been taped having sex or performing sexual acts.
(X) I have never had sex with a relative.
(X) I have never been abducted by aliens.
(_) I have never had anything larger than a finger shoved up my butthole.
(X) I have never had sex with anyone who had a mullet (at the time).