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Jul. 18th, 2003 12:14 amMy apartment is going straight to hell...again.
The great hope is that I'll get up early tomorrow, clean up a bit, do the dishes, take the old car into the mechanic, and go into work and finish my inputting the data from my latest research project. Good times.
Ever notice that the tech school and paycheck cashing ads are on late at night? Shiza, am I their demographic? If so, is this an ominous harbinger of things to come? Eep.
I talked to some of my old high school friends on Tuesday, which was quite an accomplishment, considering that I've been off the radar for quite a few years now. Many of them have contacted me, but I've failed to return their calls because I was ashamed of what little progress I had made in the world. Most of my friends went to Ivy League schools and then on to graduate work or professional careers. I'm a Cal State grad with nothing to show for it besides two low-paying jobs and a "boho" lifestyle. The juxtaposition is enough to drive anyone mad.
So what changed? I was motivated by a dream I had about one of my old classmates, Anna. In highschool she was beautiful, smart, and ambitious. She went on to Stanford, graduated, got married a to a beautiful man, and now works at UC Berkeley. I dreamt that she and I were at my younger brother's wedding and she was wearing a rather bad facsimile of a Jackie O dress, complete with pill box hat. But this dress was made out of blue polyester with HUGE buttons...even the hat was wrong, wrong, wrong. She seemed nervous and out of place. When we spoke, she expressed this much and I told her not to worry, she had everything going for her. But those words and that fact did little to change her mood. She continued to fret and I realized something. In the dream it occurred to me that everyone has their own insecurities and that no life is truly charmed. Even the almighty Anna had her Achilles Heel (in this dream, in the form of that hideous blue dress). Although most of you in the well-balanced world have taken this perspective for granted, and although I've known it intellectually for years, I'm finally starting to believe it.
I woke up and felt fantastic. Settled. I picked up the phone and called those old friends. Ironically most of them with their fabulous lives were experiencing a lot of the twentysomething ennui that I've been wrestling with. Granted, it's in better circumstances, but it's the same struggle. They were all happy to reconnect with me and I was genuinely happy to hear from them. Old memories and the unearthing of a universal--it was a good day indeed.
Time to take a bath and then attempt to go to bed. Night all.
The great hope is that I'll get up early tomorrow, clean up a bit, do the dishes, take the old car into the mechanic, and go into work and finish my inputting the data from my latest research project. Good times.
Ever notice that the tech school and paycheck cashing ads are on late at night? Shiza, am I their demographic? If so, is this an ominous harbinger of things to come? Eep.
I talked to some of my old high school friends on Tuesday, which was quite an accomplishment, considering that I've been off the radar for quite a few years now. Many of them have contacted me, but I've failed to return their calls because I was ashamed of what little progress I had made in the world. Most of my friends went to Ivy League schools and then on to graduate work or professional careers. I'm a Cal State grad with nothing to show for it besides two low-paying jobs and a "boho" lifestyle. The juxtaposition is enough to drive anyone mad.
So what changed? I was motivated by a dream I had about one of my old classmates, Anna. In highschool she was beautiful, smart, and ambitious. She went on to Stanford, graduated, got married a to a beautiful man, and now works at UC Berkeley. I dreamt that she and I were at my younger brother's wedding and she was wearing a rather bad facsimile of a Jackie O dress, complete with pill box hat. But this dress was made out of blue polyester with HUGE buttons...even the hat was wrong, wrong, wrong. She seemed nervous and out of place. When we spoke, she expressed this much and I told her not to worry, she had everything going for her. But those words and that fact did little to change her mood. She continued to fret and I realized something. In the dream it occurred to me that everyone has their own insecurities and that no life is truly charmed. Even the almighty Anna had her Achilles Heel (in this dream, in the form of that hideous blue dress). Although most of you in the well-balanced world have taken this perspective for granted, and although I've known it intellectually for years, I'm finally starting to believe it.
I woke up and felt fantastic. Settled. I picked up the phone and called those old friends. Ironically most of them with their fabulous lives were experiencing a lot of the twentysomething ennui that I've been wrestling with. Granted, it's in better circumstances, but it's the same struggle. They were all happy to reconnect with me and I was genuinely happy to hear from them. Old memories and the unearthing of a universal--it was a good day indeed.
Time to take a bath and then attempt to go to bed. Night all.
