(no subject)
"It's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then." --Alice in Wonderland
2003-06-02
More stupid LJ surveys...what fun!
Bogarted (when was the last time you got to use that one?) from posthaste...
1. My name is -- Cassandra
2. I may seem -- confident.
3. But I'm really -- raging with random insecurities (have I told you about my feet lately?).
4. People who know me think I'm -- sarcastic, intelligent, impatient, opinionated, and occasionally wise.
5. If you knew me you'd probably -- think I'm the one planning "the" revolution.
6. Sometimes I feel -- like I'm a complete failure.
7. In the morning I -- am always running late.
8. I like to sleep -- on a featherbed, under a down comforter, with the AC on..
9. If I could be doing anything right now I would be -- traveling.
10. Money is -- a means to a better end.
11. One thing I wish I had is -- a red roadster convertible.
12. One thing I have that I wish I didn't have is -- debt.
13. All I need -- is some time to think about who I want to be and how I want to live my life.
14. What I don't need -- are more distractions.
15. If I had one wish it would be -- personal enlightenment.
16. Love is -- a learning process.
17. My body -- is angry with me for mistreating it.
18. If an angel flew into my window at night I would -- ask for three wishes.
19. If a demon crashed into my window I would -- ask for the same three wishes and would try to renegotiate the whole selling your soul business.
20. If I could see one person right now it would be -- D, cuddling would be nice.
21. Something I want but I don't really need is -- the new Ben Harper CD.
22. Something I need but I don't really want is -- several trips to the doc to fix my various broken parts.
23. I live for -- the potential of experiencing, giving, and sharing joy, pure, unadulterated, catch your breath, laugh out loud, cry your eyes out joy.
24. I dare you to -- to try something new every single day.
25. I am afraid of -- my life staying this way for much longer.
26. It makes me angry when people -- act like bullies.
27. I dream about -- my feet?
28. I daydream about ---the exhilaration of politics, travel, meeting new people, moving to the East Coast....
29. My ideal mate would be ---full of integrity, intelligent, witty, kind, warm, talkative, measured, patient, honest, confident, understanding, creative, silly, well-traveled, well-read, educated, committed to social justice, attractive, and fantastic in bed.
30. My ideal life would be -- still trying to figure that one out.
31. One thing I know that I will never be able to do is --look beautiful .
32. Things I wish I could do -- stop procrastinating, believe more in my abilities, budget, be on time, be more measured in my judgments of other people.
33. If I could change one thing about myself physically -- I would lose all of the weight (and all the signs of the weight).
34. I am disappointed with -- my procrastination.
35. I am elated with -- the idea that I can change things! (No, it's not a Stuart Smiley moment, just a rare glimpse of optimism)
1. My name is -- Cassandra
2. I may seem -- confident.
3. But I'm really -- raging with random insecurities (have I told you about my feet lately?).
4. People who know me think I'm -- sarcastic, intelligent, impatient, opinionated, and occasionally wise.
5. If you knew me you'd probably -- think I'm the one planning "the" revolution.
6. Sometimes I feel -- like I'm a complete failure.
7. In the morning I -- am always running late.
8. I like to sleep -- on a featherbed, under a down comforter, with the AC on..
9. If I could be doing anything right now I would be -- traveling.
10. Money is -- a means to a better end.
11. One thing I wish I had is -- a red roadster convertible.
12. One thing I have that I wish I didn't have is -- debt.
13. All I need -- is some time to think about who I want to be and how I want to live my life.
14. What I don't need -- are more distractions.
15. If I had one wish it would be -- personal enlightenment.
16. Love is -- a learning process.
17. My body -- is angry with me for mistreating it.
18. If an angel flew into my window at night I would -- ask for three wishes.
19. If a demon crashed into my window I would -- ask for the same three wishes and would try to renegotiate the whole selling your soul business.
20. If I could see one person right now it would be -- D, cuddling would be nice.
21. Something I want but I don't really need is -- the new Ben Harper CD.
22. Something I need but I don't really want is -- several trips to the doc to fix my various broken parts.
23. I live for -- the potential of experiencing, giving, and sharing joy, pure, unadulterated, catch your breath, laugh out loud, cry your eyes out joy.
24. I dare you to -- to try something new every single day.
25. I am afraid of -- my life staying this way for much longer.
26. It makes me angry when people -- act like bullies.
27. I dream about -- my feet?
28. I daydream about ---the exhilaration of politics, travel, meeting new people, moving to the East Coast....
29. My ideal mate would be ---full of integrity, intelligent, witty, kind, warm, talkative, measured, patient, honest, confident, understanding, creative, silly, well-traveled, well-read, educated, committed to social justice, attractive, and fantastic in bed.
30. My ideal life would be -- still trying to figure that one out.
31. One thing I know that I will never be able to do is --look beautiful .
32. Things I wish I could do -- stop procrastinating, believe more in my abilities, budget, be on time, be more measured in my judgments of other people.
33. If I could change one thing about myself physically -- I would lose all of the weight (and all the signs of the weight).
34. I am disappointed with -- my procrastination.
35. I am elated with -- the idea that I can change things! (No, it's not a Stuart Smiley moment, just a rare glimpse of optimism)
Insomnia
Sleep is ever elusive and I'm am drawn to the giant time-suck that is LJ to fill these early morning hours.
*bleck*
Daily Inventory:
Happy Feet
Shoe inserts + icing my foot+ Aleve= Happier Feet
I didn't even squeak this morning when I got out of bed--that my friends is progress! Dogma, study up, I swear my feet are smiling.
Walmart Life
I hate hate hate Walmart and yet I am drawn to the evil evil discount den by promises of cheap toilet paper and generic over the counter drugs. I took D on my latest trip to the bad place so that he could share in bargain nirvana. Surprisingly D did not see it as an opportunity to reap the benefits of "falling prices" but rather as the result of his bad karma. I don't think I'll be taking him to Ikea anytime soon.
Anyways, went to Walmart, gawked at all of the cheap shit that's produced at the expense of the health and well-being of thousands of underpaid foreign workers (and yes, I'm a big fat hypocrite because I did buy things there), noted with some amusement and trepidation that there were more obese people per capita in Walmart than anywhere else in the Central Valley, and purchased a pill-minder, a cold pack for my foot, generic Aleve, and a bag of Laffy Taffy. Bemoaned the fact that I was at Walmart on a Saturday night and helped D pick out waterwings for his daughter.
The whole trip smacked of that suburban domesticity that routinely scares the holy hell out of me. This could be my life "for real." Those screaming children, that disgruntled husband, this fat ass could be mine...forever. Having to shop at the local Walmart could be a necessity and not an ironic side trip for toilet paper. My life could be engraved in this community as such.
I thought about D in particular and what our life and children would be like, and how different the world would seem if I chose to tangle my life with his.
I almost had a panic attack in the store.
Marriage scares the hell out of me---children too. When I think of these commitments I become claustrophobic and gasping for more time for myself. I suppose that these are good indicators that I'm not ready for the responsibility of any of those relationships. But, somehow, I feel left behind...
But I also feel like I'm ready to become an entirely different person and I need time for that. I think that the overused metaphor of a butterfly and cocoon applies here. I just need to figure out who that person will be. There's a whole different life lurking out there...I simply need to find it and claim it for my own.
Me and Granny Down at the Swimming Pool
I'm trying to re-introduce positive things into my everyday routines. Since I can't work-out with my regular regimen (because I have to be gentle with my sad little foot), I'm going to try to go to Water Aerobics mornings at the gym. Yes, old lady water aerobics! I'm actually pretty excited about going to the gym in any capacity and there's certainly no apprehension of how I'll look in my swimsuit. Let's just hope that no one out-paces me--that would be a little hard to live down.
Happy Birthday O!
You'll never read this but I am so happy to welcome you to this side of the "twenties." You have earned your curmudgeon wings...get ready to fly! I'm so glad we're friends!
*bleck*
Daily Inventory:
Happy Feet
Shoe inserts + icing my foot+ Aleve= Happier Feet
I didn't even squeak this morning when I got out of bed--that my friends is progress! Dogma, study up, I swear my feet are smiling.
Walmart Life
I hate hate hate Walmart and yet I am drawn to the evil evil discount den by promises of cheap toilet paper and generic over the counter drugs. I took D on my latest trip to the bad place so that he could share in bargain nirvana. Surprisingly D did not see it as an opportunity to reap the benefits of "falling prices" but rather as the result of his bad karma. I don't think I'll be taking him to Ikea anytime soon.
Anyways, went to Walmart, gawked at all of the cheap shit that's produced at the expense of the health and well-being of thousands of underpaid foreign workers (and yes, I'm a big fat hypocrite because I did buy things there), noted with some amusement and trepidation that there were more obese people per capita in Walmart than anywhere else in the Central Valley, and purchased a pill-minder, a cold pack for my foot, generic Aleve, and a bag of Laffy Taffy. Bemoaned the fact that I was at Walmart on a Saturday night and helped D pick out waterwings for his daughter.
The whole trip smacked of that suburban domesticity that routinely scares the holy hell out of me. This could be my life "for real." Those screaming children, that disgruntled husband, this fat ass could be mine...forever. Having to shop at the local Walmart could be a necessity and not an ironic side trip for toilet paper. My life could be engraved in this community as such.
I thought about D in particular and what our life and children would be like, and how different the world would seem if I chose to tangle my life with his.
I almost had a panic attack in the store.
Marriage scares the hell out of me---children too. When I think of these commitments I become claustrophobic and gasping for more time for myself. I suppose that these are good indicators that I'm not ready for the responsibility of any of those relationships. But, somehow, I feel left behind...
But I also feel like I'm ready to become an entirely different person and I need time for that. I think that the overused metaphor of a butterfly and cocoon applies here. I just need to figure out who that person will be. There's a whole different life lurking out there...I simply need to find it and claim it for my own.
Me and Granny Down at the Swimming Pool
I'm trying to re-introduce positive things into my everyday routines. Since I can't work-out with my regular regimen (because I have to be gentle with my sad little foot), I'm going to try to go to Water Aerobics mornings at the gym. Yes, old lady water aerobics! I'm actually pretty excited about going to the gym in any capacity and there's certainly no apprehension of how I'll look in my swimsuit. Let's just hope that no one out-paces me--that would be a little hard to live down.
Happy Birthday O!
You'll never read this but I am so happy to welcome you to this side of the "twenties." You have earned your curmudgeon wings...get ready to fly! I'm so glad we're friends!