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Boring, boring, boring entry....
May. 30th, 2003 12:33 amSo, what else is boring that I can share....
I'm now the "Resident Manager" for my apartment complex...from what I can tell, this title and its accompanying compensation mean precious little. I didn't apply for the position, but rather was approached by the property manager to take it on. My responsibilities? I'm supposed to notify the landlord if anything is broken in the building, let people in to check out vacant apartments, and to clean up any junk mail left on the front stoop. For all this I get a whopping $50 bucks knocked off my rent (which doesn't amount to much since my rent went up $40 this past month). It's a sucker deal, but I'll take it...every cent counts these days.
Ironically I'm rather ashamed of accepting this responsibility. For me it's another crappy pick-up job that I've taken on to help make ends meet. It's yet another symbol of my failure to financially support myself from one traditional source of income. And it's also glaring reminder that I do not have a career and that I am in no way, shape, or form on the high or low road to success. It's another crimson "L" for Cassandra. *sigh*
And on that depressing note...
I didn't finish my "incomplete." I wrote the professor and asked him to award me the grade that I did earn in his class (75% of the course was based on exam grades--on which I got As) instead of giving me a lapsed "INC." (FYI, a lapsed INC = F for GPA purposes.) He said, "no." Argh.
He was shocked that I never turned in my final term paper (considering that I did so well in that class and in the other two classes I took with him) and wanted to know why I jeopardized my GPA and minor over one silly paper. I can't tell you how difficult it is to explain to a professor how intimidated I am by term papers. I simply can't do them (save for the fact that I have under duress).
It's crazy (literally), but it has ALWAYS been this way. This is the pattern: I start a course, do well on midterms and in class discussions, the professor begins to believe that I'm an intelligent student with some promise, the term paper is assigned, and then I freak out because I'm afraid that the professor will judge the paper as the sum of my abilities and he or she will realize that they've been dealing with a mediocre idiot the entire term. I would rather disappoint them by not turning in a paper and having them think I'm lazy than disappoint them with my actual performance. One professor unknowingly sent me into a panic by saying he enjoyed my points of view in our class discussions and my arguments on his exams and he couldn't wait to read my final paper. I freaked, didn't turn in the paper, took an INC and never ever talked to the prof again. I realize this sounds like the most insane thing in the world, but it's real and does hold a certain power over me. My cumulative college GPA is a 3.2---if I hadn't made a career out of this particular sort of self-sabotage, I suspect that my GPA would be nearer to a 3.8. True. *sigh*
But back to my current situation...my professor is willing to accept the paper late and then he will submit a grade change. He says he wants to see that paper and that he wants to make sure that I DO it. This is great news...I can avoid the "F" and still turn in the assignment for full credit....yay? But, I still have to do that fucking paper....it's the goddamned monkey on my back. Part of me would have been more relieved with receiving the "C" instead.
I can't wait to be done with this and school forever. I'm a rotten basketcase of a student...there's no way I'm going to to grad school.
More bitching and moaning...
I'm effectively crippled. My Plantar Fascia(sp?) (aka Owie Heel) is getting worse and I suspect that I will have to return to the doctor's office to have it looked at yet again. In the meantime, I'm hobbling around like a little old lady--it's very sexy and terribly athletic. There will be no flip-flops in my future this summer. Ouch.
D is moving out this weekend and that news comes as a mixed blessing. It will be nice have the apartment to myself again, but I will miss him. I've grown accustomed to laying next to him at night and waking up to him every morning...save for the snoring and the occasional knock-drag-out fight, it's been good having him around. Maybe sans D as a distraction I'll finally clean my apartment....lol...here's hoping.
Anyways that's the update on the mundane...night all.
And oh yes, an afterthought...
There is that whole issue of possibly having an eating disorder. I've always known something was wrong with my relationship with food, but as of late it's gotten more and more dysfunctional, shameful, and out of control. I'm loathe to go to doctor over it since it seems so inconsequential. But it isn't. It's impact on my life is growing larger every day and it has me a bit worried but I don't know what to do.
I'm now the "Resident Manager" for my apartment complex...from what I can tell, this title and its accompanying compensation mean precious little. I didn't apply for the position, but rather was approached by the property manager to take it on. My responsibilities? I'm supposed to notify the landlord if anything is broken in the building, let people in to check out vacant apartments, and to clean up any junk mail left on the front stoop. For all this I get a whopping $50 bucks knocked off my rent (which doesn't amount to much since my rent went up $40 this past month). It's a sucker deal, but I'll take it...every cent counts these days.
Ironically I'm rather ashamed of accepting this responsibility. For me it's another crappy pick-up job that I've taken on to help make ends meet. It's yet another symbol of my failure to financially support myself from one traditional source of income. And it's also glaring reminder that I do not have a career and that I am in no way, shape, or form on the high or low road to success. It's another crimson "L" for Cassandra. *sigh*
And on that depressing note...
I didn't finish my "incomplete." I wrote the professor and asked him to award me the grade that I did earn in his class (75% of the course was based on exam grades--on which I got As) instead of giving me a lapsed "INC." (FYI, a lapsed INC = F for GPA purposes.) He said, "no." Argh.
He was shocked that I never turned in my final term paper (considering that I did so well in that class and in the other two classes I took with him) and wanted to know why I jeopardized my GPA and minor over one silly paper. I can't tell you how difficult it is to explain to a professor how intimidated I am by term papers. I simply can't do them (save for the fact that I have under duress).
It's crazy (literally), but it has ALWAYS been this way. This is the pattern: I start a course, do well on midterms and in class discussions, the professor begins to believe that I'm an intelligent student with some promise, the term paper is assigned, and then I freak out because I'm afraid that the professor will judge the paper as the sum of my abilities and he or she will realize that they've been dealing with a mediocre idiot the entire term. I would rather disappoint them by not turning in a paper and having them think I'm lazy than disappoint them with my actual performance. One professor unknowingly sent me into a panic by saying he enjoyed my points of view in our class discussions and my arguments on his exams and he couldn't wait to read my final paper. I freaked, didn't turn in the paper, took an INC and never ever talked to the prof again. I realize this sounds like the most insane thing in the world, but it's real and does hold a certain power over me. My cumulative college GPA is a 3.2---if I hadn't made a career out of this particular sort of self-sabotage, I suspect that my GPA would be nearer to a 3.8. True. *sigh*
But back to my current situation...my professor is willing to accept the paper late and then he will submit a grade change. He says he wants to see that paper and that he wants to make sure that I DO it. This is great news...I can avoid the "F" and still turn in the assignment for full credit....yay? But, I still have to do that fucking paper....it's the goddamned monkey on my back. Part of me would have been more relieved with receiving the "C" instead.
I can't wait to be done with this and school forever. I'm a rotten basketcase of a student...there's no way I'm going to to grad school.
More bitching and moaning...
I'm effectively crippled. My Plantar Fascia(sp?) (aka Owie Heel) is getting worse and I suspect that I will have to return to the doctor's office to have it looked at yet again. In the meantime, I'm hobbling around like a little old lady--it's very sexy and terribly athletic. There will be no flip-flops in my future this summer. Ouch.
D is moving out this weekend and that news comes as a mixed blessing. It will be nice have the apartment to myself again, but I will miss him. I've grown accustomed to laying next to him at night and waking up to him every morning...save for the snoring and the occasional knock-drag-out fight, it's been good having him around. Maybe sans D as a distraction I'll finally clean my apartment....lol...here's hoping.
Anyways that's the update on the mundane...night all.
And oh yes, an afterthought...
There is that whole issue of possibly having an eating disorder. I've always known something was wrong with my relationship with food, but as of late it's gotten more and more dysfunctional, shameful, and out of control. I'm loathe to go to doctor over it since it seems so inconsequential. But it isn't. It's impact on my life is growing larger every day and it has me a bit worried but I don't know what to do.
