(no subject)

I am still very sad.

I started a new anti-depressant yesterday. Pinning all my hopes on better living through chemistry.

Heard through the grapevine that D is breaking up with his new girlfriend, that he's started smoking again, and that he's miserable. Karma is a bitch...I'd say he's got a lot more coming...lots and lots more.

Still can't get over the fact that he posted an internet personal while we were still dating, started seeing her days after we'd been together, hid that fact, and started fucking her within a couple of weeks. And while I'd love to blame it on him being a "typical guy," after sex in any and all forms, I know that's not who he is. He's 34 and this is only 5th person he's ever been with--and all of the women who came before were people he had been in relationships with. I should stop thinking about this. I will never feel good about it and I will never completely understand it. But it keeps creeping in...

On a weird note...I got IMed by an old high school friend last night, J. I had a crush on J from junior high through my freshman year in college--always unrequited. He was witty, clever, and very attractive and I regarded him as a minor deity. Last night he wanted to whack off for me on his webcam. Oh how the mighty have fallen. I'm retiring that pedestal. Oy.

Is it fair at this juncture to throw up my hands and say, "men!"?

Retail.

"I am the scourge of God. Heaven has delivered you into my hands that I may punish you for your sins, for you have sinned greatly."
--Genghis Khan

Everyday at work when I have to deal with the inevitable stupid/rude/careless/clueless customer, this quote is the first thing I think of. And I think "I am the scourge of God and you are sinning now." And I avenge-- it can get very scathing. I am officially a force to be reckoned with, some customers are scared to death by me.

This might be problem in most workplaces, but not in mine. When I told my boss of my secret affection for the immortal wisdom of Genghis Khan, she wanted to post it behind the counter. She's looking to needlepoint it somewhere. She "gets" it.

This is fucked up. I think it's time to get out of retail.

(no subject)

Home alone on a Friday night, lonely. It's starting to sink in, this realization, that I may be alone for quite some time.
How do I feel about that? Empty mostly. Sad. A little bit scared.