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Love and Marriage.
Oct. 14th, 2003 12:39 amBtw...I love my LJ friends. It needed to be said. You guys rock in so many various and sundry ways that it's humbling. Thank you for being there.
I'm posing a question about love, particularly to those of you who are or have been married. Unfortunately, it reveals that my cynical streak is probably a mile wide at this juncture, but there's something that I need to both ask and consider.
Background.
Marriage. Babies. I think that I want the former if only to facilitate the latter. I don't doubt that marriage can be a wonderful thing, but I think it's more realistically a functional institution for raising a family and building a life.
Love. It's tricky. You can be truly and madly in love with someone and it can still not work out. You can pour your soul into them only to discover that the object of your affections is a leaky sieve. There's compatibility and timing to consider not to mention heartache and the damning but inevitable possibility that you may just simply fall out of love with one another. Ouch. It seems like a risky foundation for marriage since it's often so transient and fickle.
Is it perhaps better to seek out life partners who are just friends? Or who are simply compatible? People with whom the conversation never ends? The prospects always seem exciting? People who can and do provide stability and companionship even though you never turn into the demon lover in their presence? Does one need breast-beating and wailing to make a marriage work? Wouldn't warm feelings and a hug simply suffice? I haven't seen the data but I would guess that it's an infinitely safer bet.
Or maybe not.
I'm asking.
Maybe it's because I'm a chicken shit or maybe it's because I've been burned, but this pursuit for the mythical other half is wearing me out. There is no soul mate and those who resemble them are just an illusion carefully crafted out of fantasy and hormonal urges. (I did say cynical, didn't I?) Why trick myself. Why not go for the best thing on paper and be done with it. That certain something that has stolen my heart (and mind, for love is anything but reasonable) is fleeting and foolish. Why use that as criteria? Romantics are suckers...and failed romantics are bitter suckers. I fall in the second camp.
The Question.
So help me out...why did you do it? Why did you undo it? What makes you stay and why did you ever come at all? I'm truly, truly curious. I'm a beleaguered idealist looking for a reason to believe or to surrender...help me out.
I'm posing a question about love, particularly to those of you who are or have been married. Unfortunately, it reveals that my cynical streak is probably a mile wide at this juncture, but there's something that I need to both ask and consider.
Background.
Marriage. Babies. I think that I want the former if only to facilitate the latter. I don't doubt that marriage can be a wonderful thing, but I think it's more realistically a functional institution for raising a family and building a life.
Love. It's tricky. You can be truly and madly in love with someone and it can still not work out. You can pour your soul into them only to discover that the object of your affections is a leaky sieve. There's compatibility and timing to consider not to mention heartache and the damning but inevitable possibility that you may just simply fall out of love with one another. Ouch. It seems like a risky foundation for marriage since it's often so transient and fickle.
Is it perhaps better to seek out life partners who are just friends? Or who are simply compatible? People with whom the conversation never ends? The prospects always seem exciting? People who can and do provide stability and companionship even though you never turn into the demon lover in their presence? Does one need breast-beating and wailing to make a marriage work? Wouldn't warm feelings and a hug simply suffice? I haven't seen the data but I would guess that it's an infinitely safer bet.
Or maybe not.
I'm asking.
Maybe it's because I'm a chicken shit or maybe it's because I've been burned, but this pursuit for the mythical other half is wearing me out. There is no soul mate and those who resemble them are just an illusion carefully crafted out of fantasy and hormonal urges. (I did say cynical, didn't I?) Why trick myself. Why not go for the best thing on paper and be done with it. That certain something that has stolen my heart (and mind, for love is anything but reasonable) is fleeting and foolish. Why use that as criteria? Romantics are suckers...and failed romantics are bitter suckers. I fall in the second camp.
The Question.
So help me out...why did you do it? Why did you undo it? What makes you stay and why did you ever come at all? I'm truly, truly curious. I'm a beleaguered idealist looking for a reason to believe or to surrender...help me out.
