(no subject)

What a weekend.

Saturday morning I got up early (for me) and washed my dishes, shredded the HUGE pile of junk mail that's been sitting in the corner of my apartment, and went over my bills.

*sighs*

For starters I am BROKE. I finally gathered up the courage to confront my finances and realized that not only am I broke/busted/po' in the larger sense, I won't have enough money to pay all my bills this month. It's my own damned fault, but it's frustrating all the same. D offered to give me some money to help tide me over, but I'm loathe to accept it. I've never borrowed money from a friend and certainly never a lover and it's not a habit I want to start--I told him this much. He told me that I helped him out in a bad situation and all he was doing was extending the same courtesy to me. I might take him up on it, but *urgh* I wish that it weren't the case.

And oh yes, he and I had a big talk about what happened. He explained to me his reasons for reacting the way he did (being insanely literal and following what he perceived to be a logical conclusion to the death). I told him he had been an insensitive asshole and that his explanation didn't cut it. He then teared up and asked me how I would feel if he came over and told me that our relationship was over because of one disastrous misunderstanding. I softened. We then had an long discussion about the viability of our relationship and concluded, as we so often do, that it was better to wait to decide.

*sigh*

He and I spent Saturday night together volunteering for the Mumbo Gumbo Benefit for Hands Across the World/ Central America and Haiti. It was a lovely night on the cheap (free concert to watch while we were selling tickets) and we got to contribute in some way to a good cause.

Today I went by O's after work. She's on a Feng Shui kick and was getting rid of clothes, books, cds, tapes, and records. When I left her house I was staggering past the threshold with at least 20 cds and a new sweater. She's definitely trying to get some momentum going in her life, I wonder if I shouldn't follow her lead. Anyways, it was terribly kind and now I finally have Hooverphonic and every Susan Vega Cd ever made...not to mention a load of Ani Di Franco and a great Yo La Tengo cd. Whoo hoo!
20 cds and a free concert...and I haven't spent a dime. This weekend the whole broker than broke thing really worked out for me. :)

Anyways, not really into writing tonight, just thought I'd update. Hope you are all well.

I want a puppy!

I'm watching Martha Stewart and letting my domestic longings take over. There was a teaser for the next show that mentioned a dog trainer and when I saw the puppies, I found myself saying out loud, "I want a puppy." Damn that Martha, damn her! She's making me crave shade gardens and furry friends. Argh. I must admit I do get a sick little thrill watching her snipe at her guests as they try to one up each another for domestic doyenne status. My favorite episode was the one where the owner of the Zuni Cafe came on to cook a meal with Martha--the Zuni Cafe owner chastised Martha for turning the cream too much and Martha patronizingly asked if the mushrooms for the recipe were collected on a mushroom hunt or simply bought--they bared their perfectly straight white teeth at each other. It was a WASP-off and I loved it.

I'm subjecting myself to Martha this morning while I wait for my laundry to dry. I ran into the stupid b*&ch upstairs neighbor as she came downstairs to use the washing machine. I should have told her off but I opted to shut the door and let her find her own keys if she wanted to follow. I know, it was passive aggressive, but I'm afraid that if I start expressing my frustration with her verbally, it will turn into a nasty tirade that I will soon regret. I can't tell you how much sleep I've lost because of this girl---and on the occassions that I've gone up to her apartment to ask her to keep it down, she's refused to open the door. I've learned to shout my requests through the door (which she always ignores) and return to my apartment fuming. She also let her toliet leak for three weeks until it came through the floor and started dripping into my bathroom. And no, when I went up to her apartment to ask if she had a leak, she wouldn't open her door, call me, or return my note. And when she's done stupid things like leave her check book on the front stoop (I returned it for her), she's never once said thank you. I hate her. The ironic thing is, I had her father in one of my parent orientation groups when I was in college (I used to be an orientation leader) and I actually GOT the apartment for her, because a month before school started, they hadn't secured any housing. *sigh* I don't know if it's the sheer inconvience that she creates or her determination to be antisocial that pisses me off more. I only know that I want to slap her everytime I see her.

Anyways, the laundry is probably done...I'm off to work.

SAVED

It's weird, just when you give yourself over to the idea that it will all work out, it does...

I was stressing about money and the fact that I was going to be preciously short of it this month, and I finally came to the conclusion that I would do what I could and prayed that the rest would work out.

And it did. My tax return came today ($660)--I'm going to make it through the month and then some.

Yay. Yay. Yay.