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"We Lost Melissa"
Feb. 18th, 2003 05:00 pmThis morning I received an e-mail from my old internship's head secretary--"We lost Melissa" was in the subject line. My first reaction was shock, it sounded as though she had passed away, but I quickly concluded that she must have moved on to another Assembly member or committee assignment within the Capitol. She was only 23, she couldn't have died.
I was wrong.
This is what the e-mail said:
"She passed away this morning at 3:00 A.M. Please phone us."
She was 23. She had an epileptic seizure in the middle of the night and didn't survive it. 23. She still had student loans to pay, e-mail to answer, and legislation pending...it's amazing how many activities depend upon our semi-permanence. Alive yesterday, dead this morning, and only 23. I still have an e-mail from her in my in-box...can she really be dead if I still have her words? I just can't wrap mind around the fact that she's really gone.
I'm more in shock than mourning. I can't stop thinking about the morbid details. Did she know that she was going to die? That she wouldn't survive this last seizure? Did she feel she lived a full life? What were her last thoughts? Who found her? How will her family survive this? She has a twin brother, how will he carry on? Where is she now?
I feel lucky to be alive but the arbitrary nature of it all makes me nervous. Why her? Why not me? How much time do any of us have? Will we regret the petty bullshit of the every day? Wish we loved more? That we cared less? I don't know...but I wonder.
I was wrong.
This is what the e-mail said:
"She passed away this morning at 3:00 A.M. Please phone us."
She was 23. She had an epileptic seizure in the middle of the night and didn't survive it. 23. She still had student loans to pay, e-mail to answer, and legislation pending...it's amazing how many activities depend upon our semi-permanence. Alive yesterday, dead this morning, and only 23. I still have an e-mail from her in my in-box...can she really be dead if I still have her words? I just can't wrap mind around the fact that she's really gone.
I'm more in shock than mourning. I can't stop thinking about the morbid details. Did she know that she was going to die? That she wouldn't survive this last seizure? Did she feel she lived a full life? What were her last thoughts? Who found her? How will her family survive this? She has a twin brother, how will he carry on? Where is she now?
I feel lucky to be alive but the arbitrary nature of it all makes me nervous. Why her? Why not me? How much time do any of us have? Will we regret the petty bullshit of the every day? Wish we loved more? That we cared less? I don't know...but I wonder.
